In Canada We Say Cracking The Cheese

The Promotion

Every once in a while you rent a movie and it not only doesn’t suck, but it kicks ass. The Promotion is just that kind of film. The story is very simple. Two guys going after the same job go after each other to get it. The great thing about this film is that it resisted the urge to make one guy a dick or an insufferable bastard. Both characters are sympathetic and while they are each kind of crazy, their insanity is of a mundane nature which is both totally believable and identifiable.

It doesn’t hurt that John C. Reilly and Sean William Scott play the two leads. Scott is a great everyman under pressure. His previous roles never let him perform up to his comedic potential, but in this film every indignity Scott’s character is forced to suffer is written all over his face. We feel for him, but we can’t help but laugh that his misfortunes aren’t our own. It is Scott’s character that narrates the film and through his character we see how desperation can make even a well intentioned man crack at the seems. John C, on the other hand plays a Canadian and Scott’s rival for the position of full manager of the new branch of Donaldsons grocery store. As a polite recovering addict from Canada his character shows us how good manners and a kind word for everyone can also be insidious and treacherous. As each man becomes more and more fixated on achieving his goal of the promotion his behavior becomes more cutthroat. The fact that everything they do to each other is perfectly believable only increases the cold-blooded nature of their competition.

A great supporting cast including Jenna Fisher, Lilly Taylor and Jason Bateman give the film a great reality that roots the story in everyday life. This is a very funny movie that in turns will have you laughing and squirming in your seat embarrassed for what its characters must endure. This is a must rent and a solid buy.

You should rent this movie if

1. You enjoy comedies where real people do real things that just happen to be funny.
2. You enjoyed the American version of the office.
3. You enjoyed Election or The Weatherman.
4. If you work for a living.

You should buy this movie if

1. You are big into John C. Reilly.
2. Blapples
3. Jason Bateman.

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

Stand and Deliver . . . Wackiness!!!

Hamlet 2


Ok so the tone is off in places and all of the jokes don’t work as well as they could, but damn it, it’s a movie about a high school drama teach using inner city kids to make a musical sequel to Hamlet. Steve Coogan plays the drama teacher in question and there are more than enough jokes that do work to make this a successful film. When you add in the excellent supporting cast, namely Catherine Keener, David Arquette and the kids you get a lot of funny performances.

The end of the movie is a montage of the play within a play and that is truly something to see. As usual Coogan gets the character dead on and you really root for him even though his motivations are effed up from jumpstreet. Elisabeth Shue does a great job playing a version of herself.

This film is an indie movie, but comes off as something a lot more substantial. All in all a solid rent.


You should rent this movie if

1. If you are into offbeat comedies.
2. You are into inspirational teacher movies
3. You enjoyed Alan Partridge and Saxondale.

You should buy this movie if

1. You are big into actor Steve Coogan.
2. Hamlet and Jesus have a time machine.
3. Catherine Keener. Mrrrrrooowrrrr!

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

Meaty Beaty Big and Funny

Saxondale Seasons One and Two

Steve Coogan is one of those very talented people that a less well adjusted sort might grow to be very envious of if that person weren’t so darn well adjusted. His grasp of character is superb and in any role he plays he seems to be able to find what is absurd about that character almost instinctively. As a writer he is able to put his creations into situations where their natural flaws and shortcomings stand out and call attention to themselves like beacons in a fog.

Just as in “I’m Alan Partridge” Coogan plays a man who is not entirely in step with the rest of the world. Tom Saxondale is an ex roadie who is now a middle aged owner of a pest control company. He is interesting because he is not a stereotype. He hates conformity, but is well read and a gentleman. He enjoys sticking it to the man, but as he himself is a businessman, this is limited mostly to driving around in his yellow Mustang 351 Fastback. Although he sometimes acts a bit buffoonish Saxondale is smart and competent at his job. All in all the character is a likeable one and Coogan and his cowriter Neil MacClennan allow us to laugh both at and with him.

A lot of what makes Saxondale funny is its specificity. For example, Tom is in love with Magz, an attractive, if rather rubenesque, lady played by the able comic actress Ruth Jones. Any shots taken at Magz’ weight are by characters towards whom we are meant to feel negatively. As far as Tom is concerned he is with Magz because he not only is in love with her, but in his words “She makes me come from my boots”. Their relationship is very real and nuanced.

The only complaint about the show is that there are only two series and each series has only six episodes. Just as I felt I had really gotten to know Tom Saxondale he was screaming off down the street, prog rock wailing, both birds flying. In an age of crap reality shows and sit coms that have to rely on laugh tracks Saxondale is a gift. It is a very funny comedy and on occasion it is a bit more than that.

This is a must rent for anyone who is a comedy fan. At thirty bucks shipped from Amazon for both seasons in one box it would be a pretty good purchase as well.

You should rent this movie if

1. You enjoy character driven comedies.
2. You enjoyed the office
3. You enjoyed Alan Partridge, Basil Fawlty and David Brent.

You should buy this movie if

1. You are big into Steve Coogan.
2. You want to have a very funny show to bang on whenever you need a chuckle.
3. We are talking six hours of quality comedy programming for under thirty United States Dollars. Geez, people, what else do you want?

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

My Brain Cut In Two or Some Movies Can Only Be Saved By Nudity.

A Girl Cut In Two

All feminist ideology aside let’s all get on the same page vis-à-vis the fact that people of all stripes to a large extent watch movies in order to objectify people. What’s that? Do I still hear some feeble protest? Let me crush it for you with two words: Keanu Reeves. Does anyone think that if this guy looked like Gene Hackman his acting skills would have been enough to make him an internationally famous movie star? Whoa, indeed.

I bring this up because the movie, A Girl Cut In Two, had as its main character Ludivine Sagnier and although she is quite pretty she is not hot. Now normally this is not a concern of mine. If this movie were a thriller, an action flick or a science fiction movie I’d say no problem. Let the pretty girl kill the terrorists, criminals or aliens as the case may be. However, this movie is primarily about sexual attraction and its power to ruin people’s lives. Not only do I want to see the lead played by a Thandie/Hayek/Theron I want to see nudity.

Alas, I was to be denied on both counts. While the film told its largely hard to believe tale the camera only hinted at sexual congress and at no time did anyone’s clothes come close to off. Now before you start thinking “slow down Mr. Horny McTeenager”, let me hip you to the flick’s plot. The story is all about a pretty weathergirl named Gabrielle, that for some reason, EVERYONE in Paris is trying to bang. This population includes two guys who, for some effing reason hate each other. Gabrielle falls for one of these guys who is pushing sixty. She can’t live without this guy who is married to a hot chick who is only around forty. Then, the other dude, this annoying ass rich guy who dresses like a clown minus the long shoes, starts chasing her and will not give up. Finally for reason’s I can’t understand fossil man dumps Gabrielle and she, again inexplicably, marries the rich clown. The entire time you see people go into rooms to have sex, go under covers to have sex, go to special clubs to have sex, but you never see so much as a nipple.

The film is long, dull and not terribly credible in the way its characters act. At every plot point in the movie I would wonder why the characters weren’t doing things that made more sense in terms of actual human nature. Why these people were so bound up in making each other miserable was entirely too unclear, and it was too long and it was dull, very dull. There is a twist near the end that is a bit of a surprise, but it is ruined by the heavy handed ending. I would not rent or buy this movie unless you are really into some aspect of it such as the director or any of the actors. This film was boring.


You should rent this movie if

1. You can not sleep.
2. You enjoy sex films with no nudity.

You should buy this movie if

1. You are big into director Claude Chabrol.
2. You are big into actress Ludivine Sagnier.
3. You have a collection of movies where mildly attractive women simulate oral sex under the covers on sixty year old dudes for inexplicable reasons.


This film is not available from Amazon

"Homeboy turned out to be a major league fecal freak" - Easy Wind

Things To Do in Denver When You’re Dead

Let me start out by saying this is a good movie. Some people will tell you otherwise. Do not listen to them. They are haters. The movie is somewhat quirky in the way a lot of movies that came out right after Pulp Fiction were. It is not just a quirkiness for quirkiness sake, however. The movie is very well constructed and has a some very good performances by both its principal and supporting cast members.

The story is that of ex-gangster Jimmy “The Saint” Tosnia, played by Andy Garcia. This ex-gangster is desperately trying to go the way of the straight and narrow. He has started a company for terminally ill people so that they can record messages to their descendants. The business is not going well. One day Christopher Walken’s goons pull our man back into the fold to do an action. Not a piece of work, mind you, just an action. When this goes south, and it really goes south, all of Jimmy’s crew get whacked.

The central conceit of the film is that the execution order comes down the chain of command so everyone involved knows they are all living on borrowed time. The rest of the film has much to do with how we all deal with the inevitable, our own death. Each member of Jimmy’s crew handles it differently and therein lies much of the film’s art. Everyone who has screen time does a lot with their characters and if you like anyone in this movie you will probably like this movie.

Now the disclaimer: a buddy screened this with me and some of the dialogue, mainly between the two love interests, was admittedly a bit corny. I was able to deal with it, but my friend was more offended than the time I suggested Mad Max be remade with midgets and called Mad Midget Max. In fact, while some of the dialogue is a bit cheesy, most of it is stylized and quite interesting.

This movie is a solid rent and solid buy if your DVD collection includes Pulp Fiction or True Romance.

You should rent this movie if

1. You like offbeat crime capers.
2. You enjoy stylized dialogue.
3. You like character actors.

You should buy this movie if

1. You own any Tarantino films.
2. You are a Steve Buscemi, Christopher Walken or Andy Garcia completist.
3. You want to watch a well made character driven story that is both poignant and funny and you want to watch it more than once.

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

Zombies!!!! Yawwwwwwwwwn!!!!

John Romero’s Diary Of The Dead

Wow. Let me just say that I love zombie movies. In fact, you could say that the default setting on my DVD player is Zombie. I have seen a lot of them as well and even the ones that aren’t that great are still pretty good. I love slow zombies, fast zombies crawling zombies, hopping zombies, angry zombies, ancient zombies, hipster zombies and well, you get the picture. I mainly love the zombie movie because you can take zombies and cast them as symbolic of any number of social ills. In Dawn of the dead the zombies were consumers mindlessly devouring everything in their frenzy to gain access to a shopping mall. In Day of the dead the zombies were army guys and symbolic of our vast military industrial complex gone horribly wrong.

John Romero’s Diary Of The Dead continues this tradition. In Diary the zombies serve as the subject of the film’s message which is very anti-media. The main character spends the whole film filming the zombies for a documentary even at the expense of helping his friends. This is one place where the movie goes horribly wrong. In the first place the whole film within a film documenting a terrifying flight from a monster was done much better in Cloverfield. In the second place, the character’s motivations make no sense. If anyone were in the middle of a full on zombie onslaught they would either fight or run, not keep filming. The main character literally lets his friends get chased around by zombies while he films them. What a dick.

In addition to a lack of proper character motivation the film has really crappy dialogue. I can’t tell you how many times actors stared at one another and said things that no one would ever say, ever. Ever. The whole thing was pretty low budget, but even still it looked like they kind of skimped on the zombie attacks.

What else? Oh yeah, no shotguns. Can you believe that crap? Not one scene where a big dude with a pump shotgun blows a zombie head clean of its body. There were also no shots of hordes of zombies coming in waves after the main characters. Not a good movie. I almost stopped watching after thirty minutes. I would avoid this film.

You should rent this movie if

1. You don’t like yourself very much
2. You enjoy melodramatic, overwrought dialogue.
3. You don’t believe me.

You should buy this movie if

1. You have a collection of crappy movies.
2. You are a John Romero completist.

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

I'll Take The Rapists For 500, Trebeck!

A Boy and His Dog

Here at Dvdestroyer we do not often speak in terms of absolutes. This, however, is absolutely the best movie about a post-apocalyptic rapist ever. The film takes place in the year 2024 after World War IV in which the entire earth, including what was once the American west, has been pulverized by nuclear weapons. Our hero is Vic, played rather well by The Don Johnson. The Don Johnson does a good job as a young charming “solo” trying to survive in post apocalyptic Phoenix, Arizona. The film is, however, a buddy movie and The Don Johnson’s buddy is his dog, Blood, with whom he shares a telepathic rapport. Both meander around the irradiated wasteland, Vic stealing food and Blood sniffing out females for Vic to forcibly copulate with.

One such female is Quilla June Holmes who, through a series of misadventures, lures Vic down to a subterranean society with food and safety, but with its own set of problems. This movie is a very low budget film, but is shot with an extremely skillful eye towards the verisimilitude of the post kaboom scenario. In other words everything in the movie has a real feel for being of and not just in the post-apocalyptic reality. The movie was done in 1974 and has a desolate nature that makes one want to call one’s congressman to ask if one’s country is doing anything at all about nuclear arms proliferation.

There are several twists and turns in the story. The movie is funny although the subject matter is not. The acting is good and often very good. It has Jason Robards, for cryin’ out loud. The direction is excellent as is the cinematography. The reason you need to see this flick apart from the fact that it is awesome is that it has influenced a ton of other films and video games. Mad Max and The Fallout series are but a couple of examples. This is a must rent and a necessary part of any science fiction DVD collection.

You should rent this movie if

1. You like science fiction movies.
2. You like post-apocalyptic science fiction movies.
3. You like post-apocalyptic science fiction movies that kick ass!

You should buy this movie if

1. You consider yourself to be a science fiction fan and
2. You have a DVD collection.

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

The Bourne Ultimatum

When I grow up I want to be a double naught spy. I mean, check out the starter package: martial arts skills, world language skills. spy skills, freerunning skills, unlimited funds and the list goes on and on. The plot is pretty simple if you’ve been following the previous two movies. Jason Bourne played by Matt Damon is an unstoppable killing machine who is convinced he has been brainwashed because certain parts of his memory are missing. In the course of the film he must fight rogue elements and not so rogue elements of the CIA to get his brizain strizaight.

One thing that kept me from watching this for so long is the director’s camera style. I generally do not like the camera tied to a paint shaker style of cinematography that this movie and its predecessor used. In this particular film it was done as well as it could have been, however. As opposed to Supremacy, Ultimatum lets you see most of what is going on at crucial times. Car chases are coherent as are the fight scenes. Both reach a level of badass that you don’t often see. Jeff Imada did the fight stunt coordination and you can see the authenticity in the moves the actors are doing.

Basically what you got here is a much better than average action drama. Your girlfriend/wife will fall asleep in fifteen minutes, but you dudes will be pretty much into it until the somewhat predictable if satisfying ending. This is a solid rent. I can’t even really poke fun at it. The action is so well done that it might not be a bad movie to have in your permanent collection.

You should rent this movie if

1. You like action movies.
2. You like spy movies.
3. You like Matt Damon

You should buy this movie if

1. Dude's head gets totally shot by a sniper rifle.
2. There's this one scene where Matt Damon breaks onto this dude's office and the dude thinks Matt Damon is at this train station and follows him there, and Matt Damon calls him from the office just to eff with him and Dude is super pissed.
3. Matt Damon steals a cop car and goes effing nuts with it.
4. Matt Damon kicks this one dude’s ass hard. Dude.

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

The Notorious NYC

The Wackness

Ah, the coming of age movie where the viewer gets to relive the past in all it’s romanticized glory. The Wackness delivers on this front, but is better than most such movies for a few reasons. The movie is set in Manhattan in 1994 and as such, is a period movie. The writer’s meticulous attention to detail regarding time and place gives the movie a texture which draws the viewer in. Then there are the performances. Josh Peck who plays the lead is quite good. Also da flicks gots da Sir Ben Kingsley.

In addition to Peck and Kingsley good work is done by Famke Janssen, Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivia Thirlby. All serve to confuse Peck’s character Luke Shapiro who is trying to grapple with life’s pain as he approaches his eighteenth birthday and college. Oh, and his extra curricular activity? He’s a full time marijuana salesperson in Manhattan. Kingsley is his shrink and client and Thirlby is his love interest, client and the step daughter of his shrink. Manhattan is also a character and as in a lot of Woody Allen films it plays a large part in the movie.

No one in this movie is particularly happy and most of the film deals with pain and how we deal with it. For most of the movie Shapiro seeks to avoid pain by avoiding others. He grows to examine whether this is a viable way of living. The DVD has a few extras including two episodes of a cable access show staring the character of Shapiro. These are pretty amusing.

The movie is pretty funny at times. It is well written and a solid rent.

You should rent this movie if

1. You enjoy smart coming of age dramas.
2. You enjoy period pieces set within the last two decades.
3. Ben Kingsley

You should buy this movie if

1. You were really into hip hop in the mid nineties.
2. Ben Kingsley humping Mary-Kate is something you would like to see more than once.
3. Thandie Newton*
4. You know someone approaching the end of high school who is a bit down in the dumps. This would make a fine graduation gift.

*Thandie Newton is not actually in this movie.

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price:

I know It's only RocknRolla, But I Like It.

RocknRolla

Thandie Newton is in this movie so you are all going to have to forgive me a certain lack of blogalistic integrity when I tell you that RocknRolla is a pretty solid flick. If you liked Snatch, and if you did not then you are dumb, and if you liked Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, then you will appreciate what I consider to be Guy Ritchie’s third good movie.

Thandie Newton. Mmmmmmmm.

The movie is all about modern London gangsters, their cohorts, competition and constant dramas. The plot is a typically circular one just as in the two aforementioned flicks. There are plot twists, loopbacks and full roundabouts. None of them too difficult to follow and most are pretty funny. There are impenetrable accents galore, psychotic Russian gangsters and mutilation by crawfish, off screen, of course.

Thandie Newton. Thandie Newton. Thandie Newton. Thandie Newton. Thandie Newton.


Thandie Newton.

Also, there are good performances. You will recognize Idris Elba from The Wire and Jeremy Piven from, well, everything. Gerard Butler is likeable as the low level criminal One Two. And did I mention that Thandie Newton is in this one? A vision of loveliness, she plays the femme fatale well. Speaking of acting this movie has a very nice supporting cast. Ritchie always casts actors who are either just starting out or who don’t have a lot of American fame. So if you are an American you get to see loads of really good actors without being distracted by who they might have played in other movies. You get to completely immerse yourself in their characters. This is especially true for actors like Nonzo Anozie who did such a good job playing Tank. The film is loaded with such performances.

All in all it isn’t quite up to the standard of Ritchie’s earlier work, but it is better than most movies and you will remember it long after you seen it. A solid rent. The movie ends by promising a sequel and that is a good thing.

Thandie Newton

You should rent this movie if:

1. You enjoy light hearted crime caper movies.
2. You liked Snatch or Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
3. You like stylish films with great character actors.
4. Thandie Newton.

You should buy this movie if:

1. You already own Lock Stock and Snatch and want to host a Guy Ritchie Marathon.
2. Thandie Newton
3. Thandie Newton

If you are interested in buying this DVD here is a link to Amazon where you can get it at a reasonable price: