My Brain Cut In Two or Some Movies Can Only Be Saved By Nudity.

A Girl Cut In Two

All feminist ideology aside let’s all get on the same page vis-à-vis the fact that people of all stripes to a large extent watch movies in order to objectify people. What’s that? Do I still hear some feeble protest? Let me crush it for you with two words: Keanu Reeves. Does anyone think that if this guy looked like Gene Hackman his acting skills would have been enough to make him an internationally famous movie star? Whoa, indeed.

I bring this up because the movie, A Girl Cut In Two, had as its main character Ludivine Sagnier and although she is quite pretty she is not hot. Now normally this is not a concern of mine. If this movie were a thriller, an action flick or a science fiction movie I’d say no problem. Let the pretty girl kill the terrorists, criminals or aliens as the case may be. However, this movie is primarily about sexual attraction and its power to ruin people’s lives. Not only do I want to see the lead played by a Thandie/Hayek/Theron I want to see nudity.

Alas, I was to be denied on both counts. While the film told its largely hard to believe tale the camera only hinted at sexual congress and at no time did anyone’s clothes come close to off. Now before you start thinking “slow down Mr. Horny McTeenager”, let me hip you to the flick’s plot. The story is all about a pretty weathergirl named Gabrielle, that for some reason, EVERYONE in Paris is trying to bang. This population includes two guys who, for some effing reason hate each other. Gabrielle falls for one of these guys who is pushing sixty. She can’t live without this guy who is married to a hot chick who is only around forty. Then, the other dude, this annoying ass rich guy who dresses like a clown minus the long shoes, starts chasing her and will not give up. Finally for reason’s I can’t understand fossil man dumps Gabrielle and she, again inexplicably, marries the rich clown. The entire time you see people go into rooms to have sex, go under covers to have sex, go to special clubs to have sex, but you never see so much as a nipple.

The film is long, dull and not terribly credible in the way its characters act. At every plot point in the movie I would wonder why the characters weren’t doing things that made more sense in terms of actual human nature. Why these people were so bound up in making each other miserable was entirely too unclear, and it was too long and it was dull, very dull. There is a twist near the end that is a bit of a surprise, but it is ruined by the heavy handed ending. I would not rent or buy this movie unless you are really into some aspect of it such as the director or any of the actors. This film was boring.


You should rent this movie if

1. You can not sleep.
2. You enjoy sex films with no nudity.

You should buy this movie if

1. You are big into director Claude Chabrol.
2. You are big into actress Ludivine Sagnier.
3. You have a collection of movies where mildly attractive women simulate oral sex under the covers on sixty year old dudes for inexplicable reasons.


This film is not available from Amazon